Renaissance Man Learns

Deep Consciousness Shifts...

Tonight I had some very deep discussions with Alex, very provacative & disturbing (just to my ego). I normally log this type of stuff to my Palm, but since it's dead, this is the 2nd best place.

So, her 1st gripe was that I have big problem of 'cheapening' others' interests. If someone is speaking about something they like or they do, I tend to chime in with "I would love to do something like that", or "I'd like to do that sometime" followed by some minor uncomfortableness and ending with a final lull in the conversation.
- By making these types of comments, I am apparently cheapening the experiences of the person who's talking about these topics by being a "wannabe", rather than just being me. If I do find value in something that this person is talking about, then by all means I should study it, or get involved somehow. But to act like a wannabe w/o any commitment kind of cheapens the experience. Alex was telling me that I tend to do this alot, and it embarrasses her - Nix it!

Next, while talking about a friend's emotional problems over dinner, I mentioned a type of therapy that may be helpful, based on what I've read about it, as well as a personal application of it on Alex a few years ago - It worked very well! It was EFT, emotional freedom technique. Anyway, the problem came about when I told Alex later that evening that I would like to work towards studying EFT, as well as my other interests more (psychic tools, etc) and give lectures around town for educational purposes (and some financial gain as well). This caused Alex to get quite upset with me because she realized that (1) I was limiting myself by thinking this way, and (2) My ego was getting in the way.

Starting with Ego, I guess that there are parts of me that want to feel important, to come off as an expert in something. The problem is ego - having a feeling of superiority over others. I know that I sometimes feel that way, and I recognize that it's the wrong way to be. We're all the same... We're all small people living in the same world doing our best to survive day-by-day. The other problem is fantasizing about the way things could be - A highly limiting scenario. It's limiting in the sense that although being on a speaking circuit would be cool (for the ego), there is the possiblity of low profits (sometimes due to small class turnouts). I'm not saying it right. Anyway, the point is that as a believer of Kryon's messages of being in one's sweet spot, I should live life in the NOW. In the present moment, opportunities will be appropriately revealed to each of us through life's grand synchronicities. To plan the future is to set forth a though-pattern (energy of creation) towards a limited outcome. To think otherwise would be to have the hubris of God.

One more comment on the same idea: Alex gets enraged when I say that I want to do something in the future. I.e.: Setting a future goal of giving lectures about EFT when I know very little about it. She hates when I say stuff like that. Now, If I am following my path and end up becoming very knowledgeable on the subject, then THAT would be a good time to consider lecturing, not before - because there is some amount of ego involved, as well as making financial gains w/o having full knowledge. The lesson is: stay on my path, when the opportunities reveal themselves - then go for it. Be careful of your intentions. Be humble. We're all "little" people in a big world trying to make it day by day. Live our lives to the fullest and create a partnership with God to achieve your future goals.

To find your path - follow your passions. EFT is not a passion, just a topic I'm interested in studying for self-improvement. Chinese/Energy medicine is a passion. Toastmasters is a passion. By pursuing my passions, have faith that the best path for my success/goals will be revealed. Partner with God - live in the NOW - appreciate the flow of life - Let things happen the way they should best happen. Remember Kryon's parable of the Tar Pit... live life for yourself. By being yourself, your light will naturally spread to others, without explicit intervention. If it is meant to be that you end up on the speaking circuit, let the opportunities present themselves (for good reason, like being sought-after, vs. for ego/money making). Pursue your passions.

I'm left with a feeling of confusion w.r.t. goals - How to set goals & work towards them while also being mindful of being true to yourself (w/o ego, following life's path). Also, does this set of ideas have negative implications towards explicitly having conversations with others about one's dreams and goals. Probably. I guess we should all strive to live in the NOW, the Moment, NOW. It's tough, but ultimately, thinking in this manner will bring the utmost of grand possibilities to you.

Good Night.

It's been a crazy week or so, healthwise.... You know how it's hard to find a good doctor/dentist - well I finally found someone... Dr. Mahoney - a really cool multidisciplinary type of guy who has a chock-full of knowledge at his disposal on naturopathic dentistry. I learned that part of our fertility issues (sperm problems) may be stemming from a mercury toxicity problem. Apparently, the larger mercury fillings in one's mouth contain enough toxic substance to cause an entire lake/pond to be deemed unsafe by the EPA. And that's for _1_ filling! I have a few... Also, I learned something about my root canal also being very toxic - he turns down people on the phone who need that type of work done. After I eventually get the mercury / root canal removed, I then have to go on some sort of detox program to remove the mercury from my organs/bloodstream. One way is through Chelation therapy which seems pretty cool, but he devised a protocol that uses 3 sets of pills( I forgot the names) that will drop the toxicity levels by half, and then half again, over 6-week intervals. The guy is totally holistic (98%) and uses various other tools in his practice(for no charge, usually) like photonic therapy, dowsing, and other cool machines.

I also went to a new chiropractor today (Dr. Neifert) who did a fantastic balancing job on me using kinesthetic testing for diagnoses, and a cassette-tape demagnetizer on various accupuncture points. The effects were strong & immediate for me (since I'm energetically sensitive). He also did some chiropractic adjustments that also had an immediate effect on my energy levels. After the balancing act, he performed more kinesthetic 'voodoo' for determining which set of herbs would most benefit my prostate/reproductive health. Cool stuff... I know it works because Dr. Kennedy used the same techniques on me back in '2000 when I came back from Israel with some major stomach problems (constant barfing, diarhea, strong lactose intolerance). Even after re-acclimating to American food for a few weeks I wasn't better. After 2-3 days on the tested herbs, I was completely better - drinking milk and everything else!

So, again, Career-wise, I don't know where God is going to lead me... As I noted before, I have always been interested in Chinese-medicine & the esoteric arts. I am also interested in electronics & technology. Maybe there will be a time in the future when I can combine my interests together (one dream was to be a developer/inventor of new 'subtle-energy' diagnosis modalities). Who knows? Anyway, after being back in the care of a really competent doctor/dentist, I am reaffirming that I must go back to school and learn more about these subjects. I need a more solid education on the body, it's energy systems, and more healing modalities. I would like to study some more Medical Qigong, Accupuncture, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and other energetic arts.

Well, that's all for now...

I'm in some sort of wierd funk this afternoon... Maybe it's because it's a really hot/humid day in St. Louis and after spending a few hours outside mowing 3 lawns with an electric trimmer, I'm rather tired.

So, enough complaining... My wife and I are considering a move to Mexico. We've thought about this before, and it's taken me a long time to get to the point where I was even willing to consider it. I have really mixed feelings about whether I should stay here and continue working hard while trying to improve myself for future employment options, or if I should sell off mostly everything and move to Mexico for a more relaxed lifestyle where ~manyana~ is the way things are mostly handled.

Realistically, since I am always interested in improving myself, I guess I'll continue living in St. Louis while keeping my ear on the ground listening carefully for any signs of Mexican opportunity.

I guess my main reason for moving there would be to take a vacation from the constant complexities of life... Managing real-estate, making a living that pays well while providing a healthy & interesting work environment, moving lawns, managing increasingly complex finances & taxes (which I have yet to do), keeping up with the latest in RE law, etc. It's really not that bad now that I've written them down, but nevertheless, it does get tiring pretty often. I also don't want to turn 50 and feel regretful about not doing something exciting (like moving to Mexico/elsewhere) while I don't have too many responsibilities. Also, since we're having trouble getting my wife pregnant, we could take advantage of the great prices in IVF treatments while we're over there.

I see some other cool things about moving over there: I could become fluent in Spanish which would be certainly be helpful for any future employment possibilities, I can hang around and R E L A X. It would be a great time for me to take an extended period of time working on energetic healing, meditation, kundalini meditation, and hopefully achieving an OOBE state willingly and with some consistency. During the day I could try to do some part-time work as an engineer, programmer, web-designer, speech-writer (- Thank you, Toastmasters), or as an Artist (one of my latest dreams that's been ruminating in my mind for many years, on & off). I could teach some taiji, qigong, hand-on-healing, meditation classes. I could have the time to take classes in pottery, drawing, anything! If we could have some businesses that we manage remotely that are paying for our lifestyle, that would be ideal!

This blogging phenonema is really great... I never realized that by writing my thoughts down I would feel so much better about myself. What a great outlet. I do have some handwritten journals that I've used for significan spiritual experiences, art ideas, or for personal stuff, but this is different. Quite cathartic.

Anyway, I started to blog this evening because I wanted to bookmark some sites that I wanted to access for future reading. I'm trying to improve upon myself to such a degree that I have WAY more options available to me that I know what to do with. Then I can leave the best choices up to serendipity to help me decide which would be best. I was originally trained as an EE, but after working for a few years in the field as a sound/music embedded programmer & designer for the toy industry, ASIC engineer for the flight simulator & communications industries, and as a warehouse automation software engineer (presently) - I feel that since I have now discovered that of all the engineering-related work I've done, the work that I most enjoy is the type that is at a high-level (with some (aka little) low-level programming) in a consulting sort of way. I really enjoy meeting new people and helping them solve their various problems. But I don't see myself always working in the engineering capacity - there is more to life than the low-level crap that is sometimes such a pain to work on (and othertimes quite wonderful), but in order to achieve more, I must E X P A N D. . .

So, here's what I'm currently working on:
Toastmasters International: A fantastic way to build up leadership & public speaking skills. I've met some good friends through this organization and I believe that this is a pretty inexpensive & wonderful way to work towards success.
- I am currently working on my 1st speech (My) Life as a Tango, and I'm delivering it on Tuesday. I can't wait. I'm also going to try to run for the VP of Public Relations position - I think It will suit me well & I'll do a good job at it.

Awareness of my Weaknesses: I think I tend to drone on-and-on when I tell stories while causing my audience to lose attention, so I recognize that this is something I really need to work on. I realize that story-telling is a powerful medium. It's a sales tool, a relationship tool, and a relaxation tool among other things. My wife uses story-telling to help me realize that I'm being a jerk about some sort of situation. By turning my behavior into a turned-around story, she does an excellent job of showing me what I'm REALLY doing (that I may have not realized). It helps.
- Technically, I'm designing back-end web pages for an enterprise-wide project involving my company and the various other companies that we do business with. Right now things are quasi-simplistic due to the our lack of proper expertise and the time to implement in the best possible way. So, I'm taking alot of time these days to learn about some more advanced web-design/dba/site-engineering topics.

Allowing myself to be creative: I believe that I have inherited alot of my grandmother's creativity, but I've barely put any of it to use. As a student of the mystical arts, I plan on using my ideas on energy and the spiritual realms in the form of sculpture, and quasi-functional artwork. I need to learn about pottery & ceramics, drawing, painting, color, form, metal & wood-work, etc. There is alot to learn... Also, I need to try to put in a little more work on piano & guitar stuff. I'm learning to play general stuff on the piano, but for guitar, I'd like to play improvisational middle-eastern, spanish, and progressive rock/metal at some point. It's a long road, but a worthwhile one.

There's probably alot more that I haven't listed here yet, so anyway...

Here are some links for my future reference:
How to save the world
A Primer on story writing
Business Papers

Goodbye for now...

Being new to blogging, and encouraged by a new good friend, I'm going to blast out of me everything that's been interesting to me. This will probably be a long one...

I remember being in high school, I took martial arts classes (tang soo do) and in the midst of my learning various forms and such, I realized that my mind was much more drawn to the healing side of the ancient arts. Our sensei would always teach us a few accupressure points where if you hit someone there, it the results would be painful; but he also taught that if these points were massaged, then they can bring relief to the same discomforts they would cause when used in violence. I don't know if this concept is completely true, but this one realization of self-healing become a major part of my life ever since...

Having low self-esteem in high school due to a lack of style, bad hairstyling, and an acne problem brought forth my interest in chinese medicine. I always thought - maybe there were some herbs that would help, and in that search I came upon goldenseal and others that helped in the short-term, but that's about it... It wasn't until the distant future (about 3 years ago), that I realized that maybe my GI tract had something to do with it.

Then came college, as a typical guy always interested in girls & gadgets (but gadgets were always easy to come by versus girls which weren't, in my situation at least), I pursued a career in electrical engineering, based on the cool equipment that I was looking forward to playing with (and based somewhat on my favorite movie at the time, Real Genius, with Val Kilmer). There was one girl that I was very attracted to, an orthodox Jewish mystically-sexy senior, and despite my efforts in trying to get to know her, I decided that maybe there was another way - I learned about OOBEs (I thought I could visit her in her dream state...), but soon gave up after learning that it was probably something that you had to be naturally good at. Anyway, My tastes have always been on fringe topics at the time like: VR, biofeedback, altered states (without drugs), chinese medicine, etc.

I remember working my 1st job in NYC as an application engineer for a toy-design company and I one day decided to join a tai chi class. Especially after watching the cool series on TV, Kung Fu, with David Carradine(sp?). Anyway, obsessed with leaning what this 'chi' thing was all about, and eventually consciously feeling it for the 1st time, I was hooked. This led me to a deep journey of inner exploration... From classes on Chi & Auras to qigong (Chi Kung), I studied everything I could find on the subject and experimented on my own. From laying in bed before I went to sleep and playing with the externally projected chi-feeling between my hands, to "applying" it with women by energetically getting them turned on by using the force ;)

Currently, I'm reading a fantastic book, Astral Dynamics that describes an easy-to-learn training course that helps you achieve the out-of-body (OOBE) state. My study of qigong is paying off by giving me a head start (I am already very comfortable feeling my energy body and directing my energy flows solely with my mind). Cool stuff!!! I'm at a point where I am working on individually activating my major & minor chakras. There is alot of work to do!!! I'm also reading this book differently than I read most other books. I put it down until I am very comfortable with the current set of exercises that it recommends working on. This way - I just don't finish the book and file the info away someplace w/o ever trying to seriously apply it. I feel that the real challenge is finding the time to do this sort of work, without interruption.

For awhile, I was really into brain-enhancement stuff. I have a SLED (sound & light entrainment device) mind machine that I've had alot of fun with over the years, but I've been lazy about sending it in ( I think one of the audio channels is bad). I also played around with a CES device (Cranial Electro-stimulation) which by the way is pretty cool - the cheap version I have works pretty well and relaxes me to a huge degree. I built a few sets of biocircuits - you lay on various copper plates that are connected to each other in various configurations, and generally it has an extremely relaxing effect on the body - I've even experimented with substance circuits, where you place some sort of chemical or drug in water inline with the rest of the biocircuit. I have DEFINATELY had results, and even wierder, is that my wife who was laying nearby was also affected to the same strong degree as I was, despite the fact that we weren't even touching one another. I'm really into this stuff...

I've writting alot so far. Overall, I believe that something special is going on with all of this stuff and me... I'm obviously very passionate about all of this sort of thing. I oftentimes feel a bit lost about what would be the best path for me to take in life. I need something that will give me the financial freedom & job satisfaction that I hugely desire - maybe this sort of thing is my ultimate path (at least for some time). I don't know... I am going to leave it up to God to provide for me the opportunities, if these choices would be the best for my life-contract.

Anyway, good night. And so it is.

My 1st post... I hope to log all of my interesting experiences here, including using this as a starting place for various educational links.