Renaissance Man Learns

Blog Expansion & Relocation

2006-01-19T19:58:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

I would like to invite all of my readers to check out my new and improved blog + practical channelled teachings site that's really about empowering ourselves with a variety of tools & techniques to heal ourselves and the Earth.

Check out: Mystical Graffiti

Thank you for joining me on this journey, and we'll see you on the new site soon.

More Most Benevolent Outcomes

2005-11-23T08:10:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to make a quick post regarding MBOs or Most Benevolent Outcomes so I don't forget. In addition to my usual MBO for on my drive to work and back, for finding a convenient parking space (close to 9am when the lot is full), and others, I wanted to note an experience before my recent trip to Israel.

Being a bit concerned about making it through today's TSA security checks without problem, I did a MBO for making it through security easily. What happened is that I waited on the very long line heading into the international gate area at JFK, and when I got to the point where they verified your boarding pass, there were 2 lines. The one for the commoners like me traversed back and forth about 6 times, and the other for flight attendants went straight through. Well, just as the person ahead of me, and everyone ahead of her was directed into the maze, the gatekeeper closed off that path and let me be the first of the commoners to pass through the fast-path route through security. That was cool.

On Meditation...

2005-10-15T00:03:00.000-07:00

I just realized that for most of my life I've been 'into' meditation. And while I practiced alot of different techniques, it's taken me to this point of time when I finally got it, at least on demand, mostly.

Growing up, I read about meditation and I was strongly attracted to the subject, but without a teacher or any peers who had similar interests, or any internet where information was just a few keystrokes away - I was mostly on my own. Eventually when I came to St. Louis, and started playing with my new Nova Pro mind machine that I bought myself before graduation from my MSEE program, I started to achieve some deep states of conscious unconsciousness. I remember having a transcendent experience after a 45 minute "mind awake, body asleep" program while laying on my living room floor, listening to the sound of dual binaural beats soothe my consciousness into unity states. The best feeling usually comes right after the program finishes when your visual field gets filled with thousands of tiny green & blue dots against a black background. As the field diminished, what's left in it's place was all-knowingness. It can't really be explained, but I had a brief glimpse of what it felt like to know everything, to be connected to the universe, to be in the universe, to be. Amazing stuff. A cool side effect was that my body was asleep, for I couldn't life my arms or legs unless I tried really hard. For most I imagine it would be a scary experience to not be able to move, but for me it was quite fascinating.

Achieving these states without technology is a bit harder, at first. My next relatively easy meditation was more of a physical one that came out of my taiji experiences. I diligently practiced Qigong in class and out. Eventually when I started feeling the heat, the vibration, and the magnetic forces between my hands I was hooked. I've developed this talent to the point that I can move energy around my body at will, and have played with some of the ideas from Astral Dynamics like "splitting consciousness" where you can simultaneously feel 2 body parts, energetically. Neat stuff.

Anyway, I just realized that for the past couple of months I've been getting much better at calming my mind almost at will... dropping down into a state of unattachment from body and environment, just by moving my mind aside. I've also gotten good at finding the nothingness between breaths. Seemingly far out and esoteric, this stuff really works and it just takes alot of practice. Try to make a point to practice every time you feel bored, or instead of listening to the radio on the way to work - practice some simple awareness exercises, chant some sacred mantras (i.e. Om). Clear the mind instead of watching TV. There are many opportunities. Think of it as playing & experimenting and you'll do it often and eventually you'll move past the hurdles.

Choices of Creation

2005-10-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been working on expanding my mind for the purpose of conscious creation. I like using the technique that is offered by Robert Shapiro who channels Zoosh (who I think brought this up, otherwise Speaks of Many Truths) - the technique of "Asking for a Most Benevolent Outcome".

I've been using it often, mostly on the way to work. Since I get into the office just on 9am, usually the most convenient spots in the lot are taken and I usually have to go to the garage instead. So, when I have more than 20 minutes to get to work (usually with more time in advance it works better), I ask for a 'most benevolent outcome for finding a spot close to the door, or a convenient spot'. What's cool is - it works most of the time and even better is that I now almost expect it to work, which should make it work even better.

Another thing I've done lately is taken responsibility for what happens in my life. My most recent example is that just before sleep last night I asked Spirit to let me process some of my karma while sleeping... so in my dreams someone accosted me with a gun and I tried to take the gun from them - I ended up getting shot in the dream and I felt this feeling that I never felt before. It was wierd. Anyway, when I joyfully woke up the next morning, I didn't automatically become a victim and complain about a scary dream - I owned it - took responsibility. I firmly believe that the more responsibility we take in life for everything good & bad that comes upon us, the more power we create for ourselves.

Another quick example: I spit my natural chewing gum out my window while parked, and when I entered the elevator in one of the buildings I stopped off in later that day, some gum got stuck to my shoe. Instant Karma. I created the situation.

Calling evil...

2004-09-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

At shabbat dinner the other night, a friend of mine was talking about the evil that existed in his sister's old house, and as he spoke more about it, we could both feel a chill coming up our spines. The house we were in started to take on a subtle energy that didn't feel quite right. Is it possible that the mere discussion of evil spirits from other locations, could summon them into almost any environment?

He then proceeded to tell me how he effectively banished them from the space, at least for a few days or weeks by calling outloud to every crack/crevice & area of open space where evil existed, and forced it do go away verbally, and by reciting the Shma at the top of his voice.

The moment he did this, the wierd energy feeling went away. Strange! Any comments?

My 1st Pagan Social

2004-09-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

The owner of a new-age store I walked into gave me a schedule of events. Now, being in a place that is not my home, away from my 'kids' (4 cats and 1 dog), my wife the one person that I know I can talk to about new-agy things, and in general, being somewhere where I tend to pick up alot of energy of people who don't want me around(I'm in sales thesedays) - It was nice to find a place where I can socialize with people of like mind. So, showed up this tuesday evening and was led to the back-room of the store where we all sat around a small table on folding chairs & couches staring at a pile of twinkies, chips ahoy, and other assorted goodies.

After some brief introductions, people started talking about various childhood problems, like how they had to suppress their visions because they were unacceptable in their family's households. Stories about young, invisible children playing around trees while at a funeral. There were some interesting stories about using tape players that record only background noise picking up strange voices that can only be heard if the tape speed was slowed down(while recording in a place of funky energy). I learned a little bit about the evil catacombs & tunnels of Portland,OR where this one guy had the ability to really know what certain sealed rooms were used for - very scary & evil stuff; hence, I learned where the term "shanghai'd" came from.

Then came more good stuff: All of us shared various experiences from 'cutting cords' with my mom which caused her to freak-out led to a few-months of psychiatric rehabilitation (ultimately a good thing), to anxiety attacks that alot of people felt, to seeing ghosts and apparitions on a daily experience, to theories of transcendentalism, to qigong, cleansing, scrying, and being careful with what you wish for.

I had a great time. Something new I learned about was the scrying topic: That it's normally ok to scry into a black mirror, but you should never scry into a silver mirror, for it opens portals to other dimensions, which may not be easily closed. Even protection may not be good enough since you may just be protecting yourself, but still letting spirits (both good/bad) into our world. Also, you may look into yourself and see sides of you that you're not ready too see - potentially scary stuff, or better- things that I'm not prepared to see. Actually, there was a day that I was staring into the bathroom mirror and I started to cry when I eventually saw an image of myself that I didn't recognize (It looked like me, but on a soul-level it felt empty... very wierd). Overall, a big message that this 'elder' named Melissa told me was that that I should be very careful with what I'm doing, for it can be very overwhelming when all of the doors are unlocked.

One additional tidbit that I found interesting was that when I was getting ready to leave, I walked outside and started talking to a guy who knew everyone but didn't hang out in back with us. It turned out that the guy used to be a warehouse manager and is presently a real-estate investment consultant. He's also 1/2 Jewish. So, we had a whole lot to talk about and I gained a bunch of new friends over the whole night.

Even though I can't wait to leave LA and be back home sometime soon, I will certainly miss the pagan socials. Maybe I'll start looking for similar events back at home.

Till next time...

Mountaintop Channelling

2004-09-04T10:04:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I was recommended to go to a park that resides at the top of a mountain somewhere in LA. I decided to go despite feeling a bit emotional about exploring some other part of town of which I was not familiar (which is rather ludicrous since all I do each and every day while I'm here is explore areas that are unfamiliar to me, and to make matters worse, I meet with people who generally don't want to see salespeople - the whole notion was just silly). Anyway, my gut told me to go, despite being fearful and so I went - It was totally worth it. The view was spectacular - of the entire valley,the air seemed a bit cleaner, and in general the energy felt pretty good up there! Arriving at the top, I noticed a tree to my left side, perched by itself atop a tiny hill. After parking and not leaving some money for the park ranger (I wasn't planning on staying long) I noticed that there was no easy way to get to that tree except by following a small trail, so I looked across the road and saw another region atop a mostly barren hill & decided to go over there, instead. Once I got up there, I noticed there were some lavender bushes around and decided to grab some leaves for my medicine bag. I'll go more into the medicine bag in another post if I hadn't mentioned it already(need to check). Anyway, in the bad I presently have some crystals, sage, & mugwort. I thought that the smell of lavendar would be a welcome addition since I carry it with me almost everywhere I go.

So, without thinking I took some leaves from the nearest plant and placed them in my bag. Soon after I felt a little guilty for not asking permission, so I apologized to the bush and asked for forgiveneenss. My attention then turned towards another lavender bush a few yards away and I decided to ask this bush for some leaves beforehand...

I mentally asked the bush, "Can I have some of your leaves?", and it responded in my head, "Why? For what purpose?".
I then answered, "For spiritual cleansing reasons" , and it answered, "Ok, but will you please remove the trash that resides underneath my limbs?".

At the time I didn't see anything, but as I moved closer and looked underneath, I noticed an empty Absolut vodka bottle that I quickly pocketed it so I can trash it on my way back to the car, and then I saw something a little more subtle - it was a ceramic bunny rabbit!

So I picked it up and flipped it around, checking it out. Strange I thought, especially when I turned it upside-down and found a bottle-cap on the bottom. I unscrewed it and pulled out a tiny dowel with 2 sheets of a long & thin piece of paper rolled around the stick. Upon unrolling it I found a whole bunch of entries in it, with some sort of circular green symbol on it that reminded me of GeoCaching. I'm going to have to check out the site and look it up. I didn't feel like writing anything at the time, and no pencil was available, so I put it away back into it's hiding spot.

Afterwards, I felt a little guilty for putting it back when the bush wanted to trash removed, but maybe that wasn't trash - maybe it's there to act as a beacon to bring explorers over to the bush and that is what it likes. Who knows?

Maybe I'll go back again and ask it.

Energetic Exercising...

2004-08-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a great experience laying in bed meditating. I have just finished reading Stuart Wilde's book, "Sixth Sense" - which is totally fantastic - One of the best books I have ever read about ESP training.

Anyway, it was awesome - I shifted my etheric up/down, clockwise/counterclockwise in a plane while laying down, forward flips & back flips, etc. All the while I felt my energy growing & various parts of my body becoming numb... it was great! Then, as a finale, I imagined my body expanding & glowing as a super bright white star, and it was amazing!!! I recommend everyone who's into expanding their mind to pick up a copy of this wonderful book & try out all of the exercises.

My spiritual wheels are turning again...

2004-06-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

My spiritual wheels are turning again...

It's amazing how the right things tend to fall (or push) into our lives at the right time. Over the past year or so, our neighbors invited us to have brunch with some very dear friends of theirs and we have always turned them down until last week. The brunch takes place at their friend's home which doubles as a sidda yoga meditation center. For some reason, I've always been interested in going, but never did go out of some sort of fear that may possibly... be life changing. So, a couple of weeks ago we finally went and it was wonderful! It was just like they said - comparable to the Friday night Shabbat dinners that we have together just about every single week. The meal is pot-luck, our other friends go there too (the ones who have been staying with us for the past month), and the hosts are extremely gracious. For example, they gave us a set of home-made ceramic cups/pitcher because Alex remarked how much she feels connected to a similar set of cups that our neighbor has. A crying moment soon ensued :) Additionally, you can very strongly feel the amount of love that is contained within this house's walls. There are Hindu drawings all over the place, the meditation room is calming & spacious, and they play beautiful chanting music throughout the house all the time. I felt soooo connected...

The following week (today), as soon as we arrived, I looked at one of the many pictures of their Guru (Mai, sp?) on the wall and I felt a channeled energy tell me: "Welcome Home!" - WOW! I felt that I was home. I still feel the love from that place hours later. Maybe I need to learn more about what goes on here... It really is amazing how photographs can put off so much feeling! Or even induce some sort of channelled energy exchange.

Later today, in the evening, I went to my 2nd meditation class, also with my neighbor as he has been involved in it for some time and he was actually leading the session tonight. Immediately when we started the 40-minute meditation session, I felt a strong energetic opening of my base-chakra and continued to try to feel & cultivate the energy at hand. After awhile it went away. I just found it interesting that I felt that area open up without me even trying. Even when I do intentionally try to open up my base, it takes a long time and usually isn't as strong as it was tonight. Then, when the meditation was over and I had a moment to sit down and enjoy the space, I was drawn towards the magazine rack, and further drawn to pick up a certain yoga magazine that had an article about Darshan Singh, guru of Science of Spirituality(SOS), a group that meditates on the inner light and sound - something I originally learned about while flying to San Jose while sitting next to the (ex)president of my former company, Allen. Allen was extremely involved with SOS, and although we were drawn towards each other; again, there was some sort of little fear inside of me that was afraid of learning more. I borrowed books and tapes and such, but never did try to go to one of the retreats to really give this type of meditation a try. After reading the article in the yoga magazine, and reading this about this one reporter's experiences (even though Allen has told me about them a number of times), I now feel a strong compelling need to explore SOS some more. I will make plans to go to a retreat sometime soon.

One additional item of interest: In terms of learning more about myself, I discovered how good it felt to offer someone help in finding a teacher in some particular metaphysical art. The only reason I say it in this way is because I have always fantasized about being the 'teacher' (probably an ego thing). Contrary to the way I typically feel(fantasize), I just realized that I can find it extremely satisfying to casually talk to people while relating my personal metaphysical experiences to others' - opening up a door for them to follow onward if they desire to learn more. I always get a little kick when I open someone's mind to some of the subtle-energy experiences that ANYONE can experience! It's really fun to see the expressions of amazement come across other people's faces when they learn something new and seemingly magical.

In light of the few spiritual awakenings that came unto me today, I strongly feel that some interesting times are on the way!!! Let them come!

P.S. In working on being more spiritually connected, a couple of nights ago I became quite emotional after falling into a light trance state before bedtime and I communicated clairvoyantly with my dead father and grandmother. I felt their love and support and uplifting words! It was truly a mystical experience.

Another interesting experience happened this evening while eating dinner after meditation class: I believe I heard the thoughts (or voices) of some of our pets. It was an interesting experience and I briefly talked back to them clairvoyantly. More cool stuff to explore!

-David

A Heavy Day of Learning...

2004-05-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

So, times have been tough lately. Emotionally. Learned from Alex that my personal (childhood) issues are getting in the way. So, I guess I'll throw it all out there... When I was a kid, my dad was a control freak. He always wanted things done his way, and he would micro-manage you to make sure you did things to his liking. Worse, for a kid who's looking to do various things, build toys & projects, etc. - I had to get permission to get access to the new toy that was recently bought. But I would always get: later...later.... and he would continue laying in the den watching tv. So, discouraged, I would just go to my room and play with my blocks or something. This happened all of the time. Then when I would somehow coerce him to help me put something together that seemed complex at the time, he would do all of the work himself and ask me to "pass the screwdriver", etc and I would just sit there watching...waiting for my opportunity to enjoy the feeling of putting something together. It also happened when I got older. Changing the oil in the car. I HAD TO do it every 2000 miles, which went by rather quickly while driving 45-60min to school/work every day. The problem was that I never had the opportunity to enjoy the work. To get dirty and feel the challenges and triumphs of replacing the pesky oil filter. Simple stuff - but very annoying. As a child my parents ruled my world. I didn't have autonomy. I was told to do various things, but free-thinking and helping out was discouraged; for, my dad had a very short fuse. He would explode really easily, and my mom, my brother & I withstood the brunt of it. I also got in trouble ALOT, and spanked hard (with belts too) for breaking my toys. In my mind I wasn't breaking them, I was trying to learn how they worked. Most toys are not designed to be easily reverse-engineered. Other times I broke them so I could make some cool mods like what ET did to the 'speak and spell'. So, I got beaten and yelled at quite a bit for just pursuing my natural curiosities.

Fast forward to today. I'm a lazy thinker, and it's a problem. When given a problem that's difficult to take apart in my brain, I tend to freeze up because I get this overwhelming emotion that comes over me that says "If I don't do it right, or if I fuck something up - I'm going to get into deep shit!" So, the result... I end up not doing anything, to save myself from my father's wrath. Even though I have since forgiven my father, and I've told him the way I felt a few years ago (about some other traumatizing issues), these emotions are still stuck inside of my body.

I think I also crave attention. I make stupid jokes, inappropriate comments here and there. I don't think about how others may perceive me or how they would feel about some of the things that I say. I tend to react (to others, and to life). It's not too often (at home) that I think before I speak. Maybe I say these things to get some attention, albeit negative. While growing up, I didn't get the attention I feel I needed. In fact, my mom always made fun of me for being who I was. As a child with interests in the occult/esoteric sciences; girls who sometimes had bodies that were either 'too short', or 'too fat' , and other things too - I was criticized often. I was often pushed to pursue things that made my parents happy, and although they did plenty for me that made me happy. I was in an overwhelmingly negative environment most of the time, and I have a strong feeling that I have not yet let go of it.

Additionally, I'm a bad listener - but I'm working hard at it. Since joining toastmasters, I think I am improving, but the real issue is paying attention and listening MOST of the time. My mind tends to race a million miles a minute and I am constantly thinking about what I can do to succeed in life.

I'm driven by money, or more accurately - I'm driven by money, for security. I am always thinking 90% of the time about what I can do/learn about that will make life better for us in the FUTURE. Alex brings up a good point that I need to think about what needs to be done NOW FIRST. True. Driven for success, I spend most of my time reading business books(Harvey Mackay's "Beware the naked man trying to sell you a shirt" - I think), sprinkled along with my share of self-help & metaphysical books like Stuart Wilde's _Affirmations_ and 11:11 by Solara. Anyway, my mind is always racing. What to do next... what to study next... what's my next possible career change - MUST STUDY... Maybe I should do consulting on the side... MUST STUDY. Where I really should be spending my time on the stuff that needs to be done NOW. NOW NOW NOW. Like finish cleaning/repairing the property that we're trying to sell. Like taking initiative to find ways of adopting, helping my wife wade through the myriad of infertility treatment options, and most importantly - making a game plan for the NOW. Prioritizing. I tend to get scared (overwhelmed) about failure in the NOW, so I find solace in preparing for the future! Back to a kid again. If I fail in the now, then I'm get my ass whipped. So, If I don't even try, I won't fail. I'm not completely crazy about this sort of thing since I'm being transitioned into a business development role at work and all I do most of the time is knocking on doors (B2B) looking for businesses to buy our software/services. Tough work with alot of rejection, and somehow I handle it well (within reason - I do need my breaks, which is why I'm glad I'm still doing web-development, too).

Ahhh... The joy of blogging/journalling. I'm starting to feel some relief. Nice to get this stuff off of my chest.

To add more stuff to the mix, I have a craving for credit, a pat on the back. All of the time. I try to suppress my inner-need most of the time, but I probably wear my feelings on my sleeve. Self awareness is quite a challenge.

So, Alex made a good suggestion to me... for the next week, when I'm home, I'm to be quiet most of the time. I will not make stupid comments/jokes. I will not react when Alex is freaking out about her various issues (incl. me if necessary); I will not get defensive whether I'm right or wrong; I will not go chihuahua, or basically talk so fast, in rapid-fire succession when people don't answer me immediately or when I feel I'm not being listened to; I will do my best to analyze everything that is going on around me. By not talking, I will be actively listening - living in the NOW. Additionally, since I do get freaked out about security/money/the future - I will be the most aware of myself that I can possibly be. I will also change my PRIORITIES: from business to ALEX and my HOME and HOW I CAN HELP OUT AND MAKE LIFE EASIER FOR ALEX. She's working really hard, and taking care of most of the home/building stuff. I need to get past my inner-child's fears of ridicule/error and pay more attention to getting things done. I think that all of my inner turmoil makes me jumpy & snippy at times - all in reaction to my perceived notion that someone is always trying to keep me from doing my duty - to bring in more money to our household. What's the point of working hard if my home life is going to suck because of it. It's rather cliche, and the problem is recognizing your own actions. I think I tend to go on automatic mode, not paying attention to what's going on around me. One other thing that I haven't been paying attention to is that Alex can't handle me being sassy with her. I'm really doing it for fun. I think my house-guests are influencing me ('cause it's fun to sass-talk), and I know they will read this, so don't be offended - sass/trash talk is fun sometimes, I need to realize that Alex doesn't like it. She finds no humor in it for me (or at least to the extent that I've been doing it for the past few weeks). Awareness. AWARENESS IS THE KEY!!!

I've read so many books about being in the NOW (like Eckert Tolle, and others), but I find that it's really difficult to do so on a constant basis - especially when you have some inner neuroses that keep you everywhere but in the now. I'm sure I'm not alone - I think everyone had these problems, to different degrees depending upon their own state of awareness.

Anyway, I'm done for now. Time to get busy - NOW

Deep Consciousness Shifts...

2004-04-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

Deep Consciousness Shifts...

Tonight I had some very deep discussions with Alex, very provacative & disturbing (just to my ego). I normally log this type of stuff to my Palm, but since it's dead, this is the 2nd best place.

So, her 1st gripe was that I have big problem of 'cheapening' others' interests. If someone is speaking about something they like or they do, I tend to chime in with "I would love to do something like that", or "I'd like to do that sometime" followed by some minor uncomfortableness and ending with a final lull in the conversation.
- By making these types of comments, I am apparently cheapening the experiences of the person who's talking about these topics by being a "wannabe", rather than just being me. If I do find value in something that this person is talking about, then by all means I should study it, or get involved somehow. But to act like a wannabe w/o any commitment kind of cheapens the experience. Alex was telling me that I tend to do this alot, and it embarrasses her - Nix it!

Next, while talking about a friend's emotional problems over dinner, I mentioned a type of therapy that may be helpful, based on what I've read about it, as well as a personal application of it on Alex a few years ago - It worked very well! It was EFT, emotional freedom technique. Anyway, the problem came about when I told Alex later that evening that I would like to work towards studying EFT, as well as my other interests more (psychic tools, etc) and give lectures around town for educational purposes (and some financial gain as well). This caused Alex to get quite upset with me because she realized that (1) I was limiting myself by thinking this way, and (2) My ego was getting in the way.

Starting with Ego, I guess that there are parts of me that want to feel important, to come off as an expert in something. The problem is ego - having a feeling of superiority over others. I know that I sometimes feel that way, and I recognize that it's the wrong way to be. We're all the same... We're all small people living in the same world doing our best to survive day-by-day. The other problem is fantasizing about the way things could be - A highly limiting scenario. It's limiting in the sense that although being on a speaking circuit would be cool (for the ego), there is the possiblity of low profits (sometimes due to small class turnouts). I'm not saying it right. Anyway, the point is that as a believer of Kryon's messages of being in one's sweet spot, I should live life in the NOW. In the present moment, opportunities will be appropriately revealed to each of us through life's grand synchronicities. To plan the future is to set forth a though-pattern (energy of creation) towards a limited outcome. To think otherwise would be to have the hubris of God.

One more comment on the same idea: Alex gets enraged when I say that I want to do something in the future. I.e.: Setting a future goal of giving lectures about EFT when I know very little about it. She hates when I say stuff like that. Now, If I am following my path and end up becoming very knowledgeable on the subject, then THAT would be a good time to consider lecturing, not before - because there is some amount of ego involved, as well as making financial gains w/o having full knowledge. The lesson is: stay on my path, when the opportunities reveal themselves - then go for it. Be careful of your intentions. Be humble. We're all "little" people in a big world trying to make it day by day. Live our lives to the fullest and create a partnership with God to achieve your future goals.

To find your path - follow your passions. EFT is not a passion, just a topic I'm interested in studying for self-improvement. Chinese/Energy medicine is a passion. Toastmasters is a passion. By pursuing my passions, have faith that the best path for my success/goals will be revealed. Partner with God - live in the NOW - appreciate the flow of life - Let things happen the way they should best happen. Remember Kryon's parable of the Tar Pit... live life for yourself. By being yourself, your light will naturally spread to others, without explicit intervention. If it is meant to be that you end up on the speaking circuit, let the opportunities present themselves (for good reason, like being sought-after, vs. for ego/money making). Pursue your passions.

I'm left with a feeling of confusion w.r.t. goals - How to set goals & work towards them while also being mindful of being true to yourself (w/o ego, following life's path). Also, does this set of ideas have negative implications towards explicitly having conversations with others about one's dreams and goals. Probably. I guess we should all strive to live in the NOW, the Moment, NOW. It's tough, but ultimately, thinking in this manner will bring the utmost of grand possibilities to you.

Good Night.

A Dentist that I Finally Like

2004-04-23T16:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy week or so, healthwise.... You know how it's hard to find a good doctor/dentist - well I finally found someone... Dr. Mahoney - a really cool multidisciplinary type of guy who has a chock-full of knowledge at his disposal on naturopathic dentistry. I learned that part of our fertility issues (sperm problems) may be stemming from a mercury toxicity problem. Apparently, the larger mercury fillings in one's mouth contain enough toxic substance to cause an entire lake/pond to be deemed unsafe by the EPA. And that's for _1_ filling! I have a few... Also, I learned something about my root canal also being very toxic - he turns down people on the phone who need that type of work done. After I eventually get the mercury / root canal removed, I then have to go on some sort of detox program to remove the mercury from my organs/bloodstream. One way is through Chelation therapy which seems pretty cool, but he devised a protocol that uses 3 sets of pills( I forgot the names) that will drop the toxicity levels by half, and then half again, over 6-week intervals. The guy is totally holistic (98%) and uses various other tools in his practice(for no charge, usually) like photonic therapy, dowsing, and other cool machines.

I also went to a new chiropractor today (Dr. Neifert) who did a fantastic balancing job on me using kinesthetic testing for diagnoses, and a cassette-tape demagnetizer on various accupuncture points. The effects were strong & immediate for me (since I'm energetically sensitive). He also did some chiropractic adjustments that also had an immediate effect on my energy levels. After the balancing act, he performed more kinesthetic 'voodoo' for determining which set of herbs would most benefit my prostate/reproductive health. Cool stuff... I know it works because Dr. Kennedy used the same techniques on me back in '2000 when I came back from Israel with some major stomach problems (constant barfing, diarhea, strong lactose intolerance). Even after re-acclimating to American food for a few weeks I wasn't better. After 2-3 days on the tested herbs, I was completely better - drinking milk and everything else!

So, again, Career-wise, I don't know where God is going to lead me... As I noted before, I have always been interested in Chinese-medicine & the esoteric arts. I am also interested in electronics & technology. Maybe there will be a time in the future when I can combine my interests together (one dream was to be a developer/inventor of new 'subtle-energy' diagnosis modalities). Who knows? Anyway, after being back in the care of a really competent doctor/dentist, I am reaffirming that I must go back to school and learn more about these subjects. I need a more solid education on the body, it's energy systems, and more healing modalities. I would like to study some more Medical Qigong, Accupuncture, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and other energetic arts.

Well, that's all for now...

Ramblings

2004-04-18T17:14:00.000-07:00

I'm in some sort of wierd funk this afternoon... Maybe it's because it's a really hot/humid day in St. Louis and after spending a few hours outside mowing 3 lawns with an electric trimmer, I'm rather tired.

So, enough complaining... My wife and I are considering a move to Mexico. We've thought about this before, and it's taken me a long time to get to the point where I was even willing to consider it. I have really mixed feelings about whether I should stay here and continue working hard while trying to improve myself for future employment options, or if I should sell off mostly everything and move to Mexico for a more relaxed lifestyle where ~manyana~ is the way things are mostly handled.

Realistically, since I am always interested in improving myself, I guess I'll continue living in St. Louis while keeping my ear on the ground listening carefully for any signs of Mexican opportunity.

I guess my main reason for moving there would be to take a vacation from the constant complexities of life... Managing real-estate, making a living that pays well while providing a healthy & interesting work environment, moving lawns, managing increasingly complex finances & taxes (which I have yet to do), keeping up with the latest in RE law, etc. It's really not that bad now that I've written them down, but nevertheless, it does get tiring pretty often. I also don't want to turn 50 and feel regretful about not doing something exciting (like moving to Mexico/elsewhere) while I don't have too many responsibilities. Also, since we're having trouble getting my wife pregnant, we could take advantage of the great prices in IVF treatments while we're over there.

I see some other cool things about moving over there: I could become fluent in Spanish which would be certainly be helpful for any future employment possibilities, I can hang around and R E L A X. It would be a great time for me to take an extended period of time working on energetic healing, meditation, kundalini meditation, and hopefully achieving an OOBE state willingly and with some consistency. During the day I could try to do some part-time work as an engineer, programmer, web-designer, speech-writer (- Thank you, Toastmasters), or as an Artist (one of my latest dreams that's been ruminating in my mind for many years, on & off). I could teach some taiji, qigong, hand-on-healing, meditation classes. I could have the time to take classes in pottery, drawing, anything! If we could have some businesses that we manage remotely that are paying for our lifestyle, that would be ideal!

This blogging phenonema is really great... I never realized that by writing my thoughts down I would feel so much better about myself. What a great outlet. I do have some handwritten journals that I've used for significan spiritual experiences, art ideas, or for personal stuff, but this is different. Quite cathartic.

Anyway, I started to blog this evening because I wanted to bookmark some sites that I wanted to access for future reading. I'm trying to improve upon myself to such a degree that I have WAY more options available to me that I know what to do with. Then I can leave the best choices up to serendipity to help me decide which would be best. I was originally trained as an EE, but after working for a few years in the field as a sound/music embedded programmer & designer for the toy industry, ASIC engineer for the flight simulator & communications industries, and as a warehouse automation software engineer (presently) - I feel that since I have now discovered that of all the engineering-related work I've done, the work that I most enjoy is the type that is at a high-level (with some (aka little) low-level programming) in a consulting sort of way. I really enjoy meeting new people and helping them solve their various problems. But I don't see myself always working in the engineering capacity - there is more to life than the low-level crap that is sometimes such a pain to work on (and othertimes quite wonderful), but in order to achieve more, I must E X P A N D. . .

So, here's what I'm currently working on:
Toastmasters International: A fantastic way to build up leadership & public speaking skills. I've met some good friends through this organization and I believe that this is a pretty inexpensive & wonderful way to work towards success.
- I am currently working on my 1st speech (My) Life as a Tango, and I'm delivering it on Tuesday. I can't wait. I'm also going to try to run for the VP of Public Relations position - I think It will suit me well & I'll do a good job at it.

Awareness of my Weaknesses: I think I tend to drone on-and-on when I tell stories while causing my audience to lose attention, so I recognize that this is something I really need to work on. I realize that story-telling is a powerful medium. It's a sales tool, a relationship tool, and a relaxation tool among other things. My wife uses story-telling to help me realize that I'm being a jerk about some sort of situation. By turning my behavior into a turned-around story, she does an excellent job of showing me what I'm REALLY doing (that I may have not realized). It helps.
- Technically, I'm designing back-end web pages for an enterprise-wide project involving my company and the various other companies that we do business with. Right now things are quasi-simplistic due to the our lack of proper expertise and the time to implement in the best possible way. So, I'm taking alot of time these days to learn about some more advanced web-design/dba/site-engineering topics.

Allowing myself to be creative: I believe that I have inherited alot of my grandmother's creativity, but I've barely put any of it to use. As a student of the mystical arts, I plan on using my ideas on energy and the spiritual realms in the form of sculpture, and quasi-functional artwork. I need to learn about pottery & ceramics, drawing, painting, color, form, metal & wood-work, etc. There is alot to learn... Also, I need to try to put in a little more work on piano & guitar stuff. I'm learning to play general stuff on the piano, but for guitar, I'd like to play improvisational middle-eastern, spanish, and progressive rock/metal at some point. It's a long road, but a worthwhile one.

There's probably alot more that I haven't listed here yet, so anyway...

Here are some links for my future reference:
How to save the world
A Primer on story writing
Business Papers

Goodbye for now...

Some of my interests

2004-04-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

Being new to blogging, and encouraged by a new good friend, I'm going to blast out of me everything that's been interesting to me. This will probably be a long one...

I remember being in high school, I took martial arts classes (tang soo do) and in the midst of my learning various forms and such, I realized that my mind was much more drawn to the healing side of the ancient arts. Our sensei would always teach us a few accupressure points where if you hit someone there, it the results would be painful; but he also taught that if these points were massaged, then they can bring relief to the same discomforts they would cause when used in violence. I don't know if this concept is completely true, but this one realization of self-healing become a major part of my life ever since...

Having low self-esteem in high school due to a lack of style, bad hairstyling, and an acne problem brought forth my interest in chinese medicine. I always thought - maybe there were some herbs that would help, and in that search I came upon goldenseal and others that helped in the short-term, but that's about it... It wasn't until the distant future (about 3 years ago), that I realized that maybe my GI tract had something to do with it.

Then came college, as a typical guy always interested in girls & gadgets (but gadgets were always easy to come by versus girls which weren't, in my situation at least), I pursued a career in electrical engineering, based on the cool equipment that I was looking forward to playing with (and based somewhat on my favorite movie at the time, Real Genius, with Val Kilmer). There was one girl that I was very attracted to, an orthodox Jewish mystically-sexy senior, and despite my efforts in trying to get to know her, I decided that maybe there was another way - I learned about OOBEs (I thought I could visit her in her dream state...), but soon gave up after learning that it was probably something that you had to be naturally good at. Anyway, My tastes have always been on fringe topics at the time like: VR, biofeedback, altered states (without drugs), chinese medicine, etc.

I remember working my 1st job in NYC as an application engineer for a toy-design company and I one day decided to join a tai chi class. Especially after watching the cool series on TV, Kung Fu, with David Carradine(sp?). Anyway, obsessed with leaning what this 'chi' thing was all about, and eventually consciously feeling it for the 1st time, I was hooked. This led me to a deep journey of inner exploration... From classes on Chi & Auras to qigong (Chi Kung), I studied everything I could find on the subject and experimented on my own. From laying in bed before I went to sleep and playing with the externally projected chi-feeling between my hands, to "applying" it with women by energetically getting them turned on by using the force ;)

Currently, I'm reading a fantastic book, Astral Dynamics that describes an easy-to-learn training course that helps you achieve the out-of-body (OOBE) state. My study of qigong is paying off by giving me a head start (I am already very comfortable feeling my energy body and directing my energy flows solely with my mind). Cool stuff!!! I'm at a point where I am working on individually activating my major & minor chakras. There is alot of work to do!!! I'm also reading this book differently than I read most other books. I put it down until I am very comfortable with the current set of exercises that it recommends working on. This way - I just don't finish the book and file the info away someplace w/o ever trying to seriously apply it. I feel that the real challenge is finding the time to do this sort of work, without interruption.

For awhile, I was really into brain-enhancement stuff. I have a SLED (sound & light entrainment device) mind machine that I've had alot of fun with over the years, but I've been lazy about sending it in ( I think one of the audio channels is bad). I also played around with a CES device (Cranial Electro-stimulation) which by the way is pretty cool - the cheap version I have works pretty well and relaxes me to a huge degree. I built a few sets of biocircuits - you lay on various copper plates that are connected to each other in various configurations, and generally it has an extremely relaxing effect on the body - I've even experimented with substance circuits, where you place some sort of chemical or drug in water inline with the rest of the biocircuit. I have DEFINATELY had results, and even wierder, is that my wife who was laying nearby was also affected to the same strong degree as I was, despite the fact that we weren't even touching one another. I'm really into this stuff...

I've writting alot so far. Overall, I believe that something special is going on with all of this stuff and me... I'm obviously very passionate about all of this sort of thing. I oftentimes feel a bit lost about what would be the best path for me to take in life. I need something that will give me the financial freedom & job satisfaction that I hugely desire - maybe this sort of thing is my ultimate path (at least for some time). I don't know... I am going to leave it up to God to provide for me the opportunities, if these choices would be the best for my life-contract.

Anyway, good night. And so it is.

My 1st post

2004-04-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

My 1st post... I hope to log all of my interesting experiences here, including using this as a starting place for various educational links.